1.Any child who enjoys sports growing up dreams of one day being a professional athlete or an Olympian. Curling makes that dream attainable. You could realistically be an Olympic Curler...... seriously. Nobody questions what a 6ft 10 jacked black dude does for a living when he walks in to a room. One look at the legs on a speed skater and it’s pretty clear they aren’t working the grill at TGI Fridays on Saturday mornings. There’s no way anyone is mistaking Shaun White for anything but a snowboarder or the dude living in the closet from ‘Dude Where’s My Car.’ Your 47 year old Financial Analyst neighbour could be an Olympic Curler. Bubba, the drunk dude from University? Has a great deal of Olympic Curler potential.
Invests your money by day.....Draws to the button by night!
This guy has Olympic Curling Scouts Drooling!
2.Not only is drinking acceptable in the curling world, it’s encouraged. In fact, if you don’t meet your opponents for beers after the match, it’s considered rude. The USA skip is a bartender, the skip of the 2nd best team in Canada manages a Beer Store. How has their not been a television show devoted to the secret lives of curlers? Men and women teams meet up in the bar after their match....the beer starts flowing like water, and BAM...next thing you know the Norwegian men’s skip and his snazzy pants (http://news.asiaone.com/a1media/news/01Jan07/images/norwegian.jpg) are goin’ home with the female lead from England.
3.The potential of being accused by your wife of watching porn. Next time a female Curling match is on, turn the volume up, go into a different room and try not to get aroused. Women screaming “HARD!” “HURRY!” and “GET OFF” repeatedly is everyday stuff in curling (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CM5mFH3_Qhs).
Now as a 25yr old dude living in a long distance relationship I clearly have seen my fair share of pornography, yet have not seen a porn video centered around a Curling situation, how has this not happened? That relationship is a bigger home run then Tiger Woods being a spokesman for Las Vegas Tourism!
4.The Women........Oh the Women. Curling was always thought of as a sport for non-athletes, not exactly the popular crowd, yet somehow at the 2008 “Smokin Hot Women of the World” Conference, these women decided to become Curlers. Also, there are great benefits to being attracted to a female curler. You don’t have to wonder if she’s a screamer before you get her into the sack......clearly she is. Watch the way they slide out of that hack, very flexible and athletic, always desirable in a partner. If your hooking up with a skip, you know she’s a woman who likes to be in charge....never bad to get bossed around in the bedroom, kinda sexy. She’s clearly adept with a broom....the house will always be clean. And of course, being a curler, she isn’t afraid to get into the booze. So basically you have a girl who likes to get drunk, be in charge in the bedroom, is a screamer, is flexible and athletic, and keeps a clean floor. Gee that sounds just awful!
In case you are having a hard time believing me regarding the sexiness of female curlers....
5.Mixed curling! Yes it’s not an Olympic event....not yet at least, but in Canada this is pretty big already. The unintentional sexual awkwardness level is at an all-time high as a female curler is yelling “HARD!” “REAL HARD!” at a man who is furiously sweeping the ice as the rock is sliding. Also how do you think the dude feels as he is obeying every command this women is yelling at him. Flip it around, wouldn’t it be great to have a 1950’s flashback moment as a man throws the rock and is yelling at the woman to sweep? Why does the television coverage have to stop at the end of the game? Keep the cameras rolling as the teams get into the booze. Listen to a drunken male skip make awkward sexual advances towards the female members of the other team, while the other dudes snicker like they are in the hall way in high school.
6.The 5th member of the team. This is the best gig at the Olympics without question. Talk to anyone who has been in Vancouver the past two weeks, it’s the biggest party in the world. Nobody is getting hurt while curling at the Olympics. I’ve watched curling casually for years and I’ve never seen anyone fall on the ice or trip on the rocks. There is practically no reason the 5th person will ever play. To put this in perspective, the 5th member of the Canadian Women’s team is 5 months pregnant. Yes you read that correctly, she is 5 months pregnant. People train for being a Curling alternate from a young age. The training usually begins with being the last pick for playground football at recess in elementary school and lasts right up to being the photographer for your own Family Reunion photos. Somehow they get medals if they win as well. Yup we live in a world where the head coach of the Canadian Olympic team will not receive a medal if Canada wins gold, yet the 5th member of the Canadian curling team will!
7.The celebrations following a huge shot or a huge win. Nobody athletic decides at a young age they are going to be a curler. So the majority of people curling are not overly athletic. And for any curler out there who is arguing “You Try it and see how hard it is”, I have tried it, and after 2 hours I had the push off the hack perfected, it’s not that hard. Sliding the rock with the proper weight and curl is very difficult, but that doesn’t take athleticism. So group together 4 or 5 non-athletic people and watch them celebrate wildly. It makes Tiger Woods and Stevie Williams high fives look smooth, and that is damn near impossible.
8.The list of people who have attended curling at the 2010 Olympics include Wayne Gretzky, Carl Lewis and Vernon Davis. Huh? Everyone thinks it’s weird that Stephen Colbert is the honorary Captain of the USA speed skating team, well how about Vernon Davis being the honorary captain of the USA curling team. Also during Curling matches, things like this happen......... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sDn28RwwfhQ
9.Anytime the history of your sport involves clearly superior athletes such as these, there’s no way it’s not awesome.
No comments:
Post a Comment