The Trade

Dion Phaneuf......Jean-Sebastien Giguere.....Fredrik Sjostrom. Okay Sjostrom didn’t give anyone a massive erection, but the first two names actually produced a “Holy Shit” moment, the first the Leafs have had in a really long time. I read the headline regarding the trade and immediately did my best schoolgirl shrieking impression. I was in the Regina Airport when the headline came across and if people didn’t actually see me they would have thought a 14 year old girl reading Tiger Beat magazine had just opened the Justin Bieber pinup. ( And yes I realize I just broke rule #431 about writing a sports column....no 15yr old male pop star references....but dammit I was excited!)

So quickly let’s run down the personnel being exchanged in the two deals. Toronto sends Matt Stajan, Niklas Hagman, Ian White and Jamal Mayers to Calgary for DION PHANEUF, Fredrik Sjostrom and Keith Aullie. Now Dion gets capital letters because he’s really really good, the rest are average to below average NHL players, and Aullie is a prospect. Did Burke get this deal done like at 11pm on the night of a Sutter Family reunion when the entire family is drunk off moonshine? How did Sutter agree to this trade? Phaneuf is 24 years old and is the best goal scoring defenceman in the last five years in the NHL. All we gave up was a 4th defenceman(White), a 3rd line center moonlighting as a first line center(Stajan), and one of the most inconsistent Leafs in recent memory (Hagman). You may have noticed I didn’t mention Mayers. Well Mayers most notable contribution as a Leaf was becoming the first person in NHL history who plays less than 2 minutes a game to demand a trade, so I don’t really count him.

The other deal is J.S. Giguere heading to the Leafs from Anaheim for Jason Blake and Vesa Toskala. During Burke’s time in Anaheim he must have acquired nude photos or a sex tape of Ducks owners Henry and Susan Samueli while he was there. Then on the weekend he must have said “Accept this trade or I release the nudity to the internet.” This is the only logical explanation as to why the Ducks would take on the ridiculous contracts of Jason Blake and Vesa Toskala. I would have bet that I developed a third testicle before someone said yes to trading for Jason Blake’s contract.

So obviously Leafs nation was abuzz with excitement for the new boys debut Tuesday night vs the Devils. Giguere and Phanuef both getting the start, and they did not disappoint. By the way, proline gambling rule #47, After a massive trade always bet the team who got the better end of the deal, and bet them big. I would have bet my university tuition on the Leafs winning Tuesday night. It’s amazing what a huge trade will do to a fan base. Since the Leafs dealt three forwards away, their 4 centers for the night were Tyler Bozak, Christian Hanson, Rickard Wallin and John Mitchell. I’ve seen a better line-up of centers at the Brock Intramural B division men’s hockey games, but nobody cares because WE GOT DION!!!!!! And Dion doesn’t disappoint, within the first 7 minutes Dion has 2 massive hits and fight. Well done young lad, that’s how you win the crowd. Actual text from by buddy Marky following the Phaneuf fight, “ First time I have had the hair stick up on my neck in a long time.” I admit my heart was racing following Dion winning the fight. I felt like I was watching Gladiator after Russell Crowe slaughters everyone and then turns to the crowd and they go crazy for him. I was just waiting for Dion to yell out to the crowd “Are you entertained? Anyway Giguere gets a shutout, Sjostrom gets an assist, Phaneuf gets the crowd and the Leafs win 3-0.

The first game of the new Leafs era ends in great success. Burke now must go about upgrading his forward line to match the stud defence we have compiled. Whether he is able to do this remains to be seen, but this is the man who somehow got a buyer for Jason Blake and Vesa Toskala, so I trust in the big fella! And whether it works or not, at least we have Elisha Cuthbert :)