First Period
So, I’m posting up in my hotel room in Regina for the game.....get back from dinner right on time....head down the hall to grab some ice and when I come back its 1-0 USA.....I don’t want to say I was pissed, but Ice Cubes have never been thrown harder against a wall.
Immediate text message from my boy Favs following the goal on why we are losing “Because we don’t have Mike Fisher’s on our team...too many first liners.” I think we should have included Fisher simply to see 19000 Drunk Canadians boo the hell out of Carrie Underwood, the sweetest girl in the world, at Canada Hockey Place.
We have the ‘pleasure’ of listening to Gord Miller and Pierre McGuire for the game.......I know CBC doesn’t have the Olympic rights, but Bob Cole and Ron McLean not being involved in this hockey is a travesty.....and I really miss Grapes causing three international incidents a night through comments about Europeans. By the way unlike most of you I’m a huge Pierre fan....he amuses me like no other broadcaster.....Gord Miller seems like a good guy....I just want to smack myself in the head til I lose hearing every time he’s broadcasting.
Through 8 minutes of the game USA goalie Ryan Miller is worrying me.....He’s like the really good looking dude at the bar that just posts up at the beer tub....crushes beer all night and then come last call takes the hottest broad in the bar home. It doesn’t matter how many drinks ugly dudes are buying, he’s getting her at the end of the night. It doesn’t matter how many shots Canada fires Miller’s way, he’s stopping them.....what an asshole, I hate that guy!
Through our first Power Play, my analysis would say it’s looking very Toronto Maple Leafish....ewww.
Gord Miller proceeds to call Marty Brodeur, Luongo twice.....guess we know how Gord felt about the goaltending choice of the night.
Eric Staal scores to tie it on a filthy tip leading to Pierre McGuire scoring 8 out of 10 on the Orgasm Meter, as he compliments “Eric Staal’s active stick!” For those playing the Pierre McGuire drinking game.....bottoms up!
Brodeur does his best Rob Ducey and bats a dump-in by the USA out of the air towards the blue line.....this leads to the crowd oohing and awing about his hand eye coordination for 1.45 seconds. Then we realize it went right to Brian Rafalski who scores a Timbit Hockey worthy goal, slow wrist shot right along the ice....yup Brian Rafalski has 2 goals. Anyone taking the 200000000/1 odds of Brian Rafalski scoring 2goals in the first period is now celebrating wildly.
After 15 minutes of the first period I’ve decided I don’t like Chris Pronger. I don’t like his hair, I don’t like his long tongues that protect his skate, I don’t like his 22% pass completion percentage, I don’t like his 98% turnover percentage in our zone, I don’t like his boner for Edmonton media members, and I don’t like his inclusion on team Canada........Chris Pronger rant #1 is over.
13-5 for Canada in shots on goal, 2-1 for USA on the scoreboard....eff you Miller
BILODEAU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!......Our newest golden boy, Alex the great is interviewed by Gene Principe, just one Canadian legend talking to another! (Really guys, like 20 million Canadians watching this game and the best interviewer we can get is Gene Principe?...Where the hell is Cybulski!!!!!!!!)
I love how Pierre McGuire acts like an investigative 60 minutes journalist breaking the biggest news story of the year every time there’s almost a ‘too many men on the ice’ penalty. We get it Pierre, you’re close to the action.
I’ve decided Pronger bet on the USA this game and bet big.......only logical explanation for this display.
2nd Period
Miller opens the period by robbing Getzlaf.....Yup there’s that asshole sitting by the bar while we are buying the girl drinks!
Does Marc Andre Fleury have the best gig at the Olympics or what? Other then the alternate on the Men’s Curling Team (Not a high chance of a Curling injury knocking one of the starting 4 out), he’s got the best thing going.
Heatley stuffs in a rebound after some great work by Toews and Morrow down low......If you are ever bored and want to see something ridiculous, search Heatley’s team Canada and NHL stats for his whole career.....umm he’s good.
Pierre blasts in with a great “WHAT A PLAY!” Gotta be a goal right? Nope. A ridiculous save? Nope. Huge hit? Nope. Just your basic puck breakout from behind your own net by Drew Doughty. I don’t care what they say, don’t you ever change Pierre. Ooooh but Pierre isn’t done! “Very few civilized human beings can do that......that’s just a fantastic play and to not injure yourself is phenomenal” This gem was used to describe Crosby attempting to toe the blue line to stay onside....Do you think Pierre loves his children as much as he loves Sid?
Game is beginning to get a back and forth flow with no whistles, Olympic hockey at its finest. Brodeur robs the USA on three straight shots.....Gord seems to be doing okay on the name now that Marty is stopping the rubber.
3 Canadians hammer into each other and fall.....just doing their best Canadian Men’s Alpine Team impersonation. (What? Too Soon?)
A mad scramble around the Canadian net ensues, in which it took Brodeur longer then my handicapped 89yr old uncle Reggie to get off his ass resulting in a US goal.....on a side note though Marty was down so long he made one helluva snow angel.
End to end action leads to 3 breakaways and partial breakaways in a row.....Pierre’s orgasm level during that exchange reaches about a 7 outta 10
Staal takes a penalty behind the USA net.
I know he’s got a great history with the puck but saying Marty Brodeur is one of the best stick handling goalies of all time right now is like saying Jason Alexander has had a successful career after Seinfeld and Kramer is a hit with the black community.
3rd Period
USA opens the period with just over a minute left on the PP, but an uneventful minute brings Canada back to even strength.....for approximately 16 seconds when Crosby takes a high-sticking penalty in front of the USA net......Great discipline fellas!
Gene Principe delivers more stirring on camera analysis from his chat with Ken Hitchcock during the intermission, followed by a nice shot of Ken on camera. How is Ken coping with the depression of being recently fired by Columbus? With food....a lot of food....Dude is Huge!
Back to the action, the USA comes inches away from scoring the 4th goal.....but Canada holds strong and kills off the penalty.....for roughly 10 seconds and then takes another penalty.....somewhere Wade Belak is watching the game and pissed he didn’t make the team for his PIM totals.
USA snipes a 4th goal on a Rafalski shot from the point....apparently it’s tipped by Langenbrunger. It’d better have been tipped by someone because I’m going to puke if Brian Rafalski scores a hat trick.
Quick question- Where the hell is Jordan Eberle when you need him?
Finally the ref decides there should probably be 1 penalty called to maintain the 15/1 ratio of penalties being called in favour of the USA as Canada gets a power play.
Canada’s power play right now is looking as successful as a Marriage Counselling course run by Tiger Woods. Why is Pronger on our power play? We have Duncan Keith, Shea Weber, Drew Doughty, Dan Boyle and Scott Niedermayer to throw out there before Pronger yet he makes the cut? Shockingly with Pronger calling the shots from the point our power play is shooting blanks and the USA kills it off.
Thankfully the Americans are great guys and decide to take another penalty to help us out.....can somebody at the game please belt Pronger’s ass to the bench? Ask not what your country can do for you but what YOU can do for your country!
My requests are granted as Pronger sits this power play out and Crosby scores on a nifty little pass in front by Nash, and we are within 1!
Again I ask....where the hell is Jordan Eberle??????
Please excuse the lack of analysis on the last 3 minutes of the game but I’m standing watching the game nervous as hell!
Well you know what happened.....Canada put on a ridiculous amount of pressure forcing Miller to make save after save.......until with 47 seconds left, Parise chips it off the boards and despite the fact Corey Perry had a 5 stride lead on Ryan Kesler, Kesler dives and beats him to the puck and scores possibly the greatest empty net goal in hockey history, at least that’s what The TSN crew said. While it was a great goal, I personally think the effort put forth by Corey Perry was about the same I used to skate with during elementary school public skating ventures.
So we lost......we now have to play Germany and then Russia in the quarter-finals. I know it didn’t work out like we planned, but we were gonna have to play Russia at some point so why not in the quarters? We dominated the game, we just need less baseball from Marty Brodeur, Less ice time for Chris Pronger, more orgasmic commentary from Pierre McGuire and Jordan Eberle to suit up. Regardless, it was great to see the crowd, let’s keep it up and support the boys....GO CANADA GO!
No comments:
Post a Comment