The Keith Ballard Award for being a Great Teammate- I’m sure we all remember Keith two-handing his goalie Tomas Vokoun in the head after he allowed a goal this year . It not only cemented the win for this new award, but it was such a powerful moment in great teammate history that I decided to name the award after him. We are unsure whether Keith will be accompanied to the podium at this point by Tomas.
The Paris Hilton ``I don`t really do much but I`m really famous” Trophy- Other than a poorly shot sex tape, what exactly has Paris contributed to society? Other than some hilarious comments regarding his ex-girlfriends what has Sean Avery contributed to the New York Rangers? How we live in a world where these two people aren’t dating is beyond me. I have a feeling that as long as Avery is in the league this award is his.
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The “Brock Lesnar is my dad” trophy for best defenceman- You meet this girl in your biology class and she’s a straight rocket. Somehow you black out and manage to say something semi funny and she gives you her facebook contact. You begin to chat and you set a date for Friday night. You go to pick her up and BAM, Brock Lesnar opens the door. Turns out Brock is her dad, visiting for the weekend and your chances of doing anything with this girl other then shake her hand are gone. Well that’s what it’s like when you execute a perfect breakout and crossing the blue line you find Drew Doughty is waiting for you. Drew Doughty.....219lbs of crushing dreams. Did I mention he’s only 20? Yikes!
The Rocket Richard Trophy- Yes I know this award already goes to the top goal scorer in the NHL each year, but we have changed it and it goes to the team with the best looking set of ice girls......they all must be rockets. This year’s winner is the Nashville Predators ice girls. How these women haven’t made hockey popular in the Music City yet I’ll never know.
The Tiger Woods Sex Life Award for Biggest Surprise- Tiger had been fooling around on his wife Elin for years but he finally got caught and now every time you turn on the TV there’s a new girl confessing to having an affair with Tiger. Almost nobody knew about this. Does anyone realize the Winnipeg Jets, ugh I mean Phoenix Coyotes are two points out of first in the Western Conference?
The Dirk Diggler Award for Most Exciting Player- Patrick Kane has made his name as one of the most exciting players in the NHL. Lucky for us this doesn’t stop once the game is over. It seems Patty likes to have a good time when he heads out on the town. And like most males his age, he likes to have fun with women and possibly a post-bar fight. My advice to Patty would be that next time you’re going to have your picture taken in a limo with girls wearing only your boxers, try to get one 10/10 instead of two 5/10’s.....your better than that. How did Chicago not sign Chris Chelios to be Patty’s dad for the year?
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