Bieber Fever

So I slowly climb the stairs in my house from my downstairs bedroom to the living room and find my two boys, oh let’s call them Mark and Brian just for fun, sitting on either couch with laptops open listening to Justin Bieber. Yup Bieber fever is spreading and it’s infected 153 Brandon Avenue big time. Now many of you may be wondering why a 24 and 29 year old are listening to 16 year old Justin Bieber sing about love at 1030am on a Sunday morning.....and that’s fair. Not me though, I was only thinking “It’s about damn time!” Quickly it became a 25 year old, a 24 year old and a 29 year old listening to Justin Bieber, and yes, it was awesome.

Now before anyone reading this calls the police to report any of us for being creepy young adults, give Bieber a chance. Now does Justin Bieber need me as a fan? Definitely not, he’s got 3 billion screaming teenage girls for that, and probably prefers this to a twenty five year old dude. But he probably isn’t turning me down. So as I made breakfast while the two hung over gentlemen in my living room listened to Bieber, a few questions arose. Is Bieber a cool dude? I immediately answered “There’s no way he’s not the man.” Let’s review here, the dude is on Usher’s record label and Usher is in some of his songs or videos, Usher is a cool dude.
Bieber’s new single “Baby” features Ludacris, Ludacris is a cool dude. So basically we have a 16 year old who is chillin with Usher and Ludacris in Atlanta. Usher and Ludacris aren’t going to hang out with a 16 year old unless he’s a cool little dude. It’s not like he’s anyone not named Justin from N’Sync. Remember when we hated JT when he was with those tools. Him dropping those losers was the best decision I’ve seen since Will turned his blazer inside out at Bel-Air Academy on the Fresh Prince. He's also boys with Drake now, and yup Drake is a cool dude.

Anyway back to Bieber. As I sliced a bagel I asked the fellas, “You think Bieber gets with a lot of broads?” Granted he’s only 16, but 12 year old kids are getting drunk and giving BJ’s during recess. It’s a different world out there. I played football at recess in grade 7 and a boob touch over the shirt was going all the way. Gone are the days of girls in grade ten giving DJ Tanners at high school parties. (For those who don’t know what a DJ Tanner is, it’s when a girl gives a hand job to a guy over his jeans. It’s often called a dry job, so that’s where DJ came from. Also it seems like that was probably what DJ was doing with her boyfriend Steve on Full House after those 5pm homework sessions at the kitchen table) I think Bieber probably does well for himself and both the fellas agreed. Let’s face it here, he has basically every girl from the age of 13-18 to choose from, that’s like 672 million people that would love a piece of Stratford’s finest. No dude is turning that down 365 days a year....Nobody. Think back to when you were sixteen, you were a horny little bastard now weren’t you? I know you were because every dude at sixteen is a horny little bastard who thinks a solid Friday night is staying up late after his parents go to bed and watching Red Shoe Diaries. I’m telling you Bieber is a cocksman like Vince Vaughn in Wedding Crashers. There’s no way you can convince me otherwise.

So where do we go from here. Me and the fellas have decided Bieber is probably a cool little dude, who gets a lot of girls, is the most popular topic everyday on twitter and makes catchy music. Are we allowed to listen to him without being ridiculed and frowned upon by society? Can we drive around Toronto with the windows down and his song playing? Do we have to make a code name for him to use when we are discussing him around other people? Well I’m not going to let society dictate my life, if snapping my fingers to Bieber and having his new single on repeat is wrong.....then I don’t want to be right.