So everyone knows about the Ben Roethlisberger situation that has happened because we live in a sports and sex obsessed world, and Ben is a player in both situations. He’s a two-time winning super bowl quarterback, so he’s pretty much got the sports world figured out. Unfortunately for Ben and for 20 year old college students in Georgia, Ben’s sexual game is the equivalent of Bubby Brister’s QB game. Ben is apparently so bad at wheeling women that he has to take unwilling 20 year old college students into bathroom stalls at college bars to get laid. Roethlisberger just signed an 8 year, $102 million deal in 2008, and has to sexually assault women to get any action? I’ve always known the bathroom stall to be a desirable hook up spot for women. If I had a nickel for every time my girlfriend bitched to me about how I’ve never take her into a filthy washroom stall to ‘make love’ to her, I’d still be $2.90 short of being able to purchase a condom from the machine usually located in those washrooms.
Granted Ben is an ugly dude, he’s never been confused with Tom Brady off the field. But if Marko Jaric can snag Adriana Lima, then Ben’s gotta be able to get someone that’s at least a 7 outta 10 to sleep with him right?
I went to University for 5 years and I’ve seen the tall bastard affect in play at bars. I’ve witnessed the ugliest dude in the bar take the hottest chick home because he’s 6ft 5, it never fails. I’ve partied with two NHL hockey teams and watched the slew of women follow these guys around like weird hairstylists swarm Ron Artest. Women love tall dudes, women love pro athletes and women love rich, successful men. Ben has all this lined up for him, wheeling women in a bar should be like batting when Brian Tallet is pitching.....REALLY $#^!ING EASY! So he brings a girl into a bathroom, after buying her multiple shots, and while his bodyguards watch the door, Big Ben runs a QB dive play into her pants. Somehow he didn’t see how this could go horribly wrong for him? So where does this leave the Pittsburgh Steelers? I’ve been reading a lot of comments on this story from Pittsburgh Steelers fans that are calling for Ben to be cut or traded. I feel like these people are all just “saying the right thing”, or typing their comments while their wife is looking over their shoulder hoping for some action from her that night. Imagine for a second that the Steelers did cut Big Ben. I bet you all these people’s opinions would change when the Steelers are 0-6 coming off a huge loss to the Detroit Lions. I mean anytime you can cut your two-time Super Bowl winning QB and enter the season with Dennis Dixon and Chuck Batch as your quarterbacks you gotta do it right? Ben is a moron and a poop stain on the underpants of society, but is needed for the Steelers to win. It’s been proven time and time again by idiotic pro athletes in the world, the media and society will support winners much harder then they will condemn disgusting individuals. If Ben leads the Steelers to success in the playoffs again, this whole sex case will disappear like the San Jose Sharks in the playoffs.
Roger Goodell has vowed to clean up the NFL since he took over as commissioner and has done so very admirably. He is certain to suspend Big Ben for 1-4 games for this moronic act. Suspensions aren’t nearly as exciting as what should be the punishment for Roethlisberger. First he should be forced to fire any of his public relations staff. Did anyone see the press conference Ben had following this incident? He’s going on national television for the first time since being accused of this disgusting display and none of his P.R. people say to each other, “you know, maybe the mullet with the pedophile scruff and an oversized red polo isn’t the way to go today?”
If there was a contest to choose the uniform for a borderline sex offender, that’s definitely a finalist. I mean if you’re trying to convince the entire world that you’re not a sex offender, the best way to achieve that is to look exactly like one right? I kept waiting for him to wheel out a television and show video footage of him forcing himself on her to help out. It looked like an SNL skit to me. The second thing the NFL should do to discipline Roethlisberger has to do with media. I think it would be hilarious, and also a great deterrent, if on every Steelers broadcast, the broadcaster has to say the words accused sex offender after saying his name. I can hear Jim Nantz now, “Roethlisberger Accused Sex Offender, drops back and finds Hines Ward for the touchdown!......What a play by Ben Roethlisberger Accused Sex Offender to put the Steelers back on top.” Not only would this discipline keep Roethlisberger’s little Ben in his pants, but it would surely keep other players from similar acts right? Now that’s what I call discipline!
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