I’m a straight male, always have been, always will be. I love women....all types of women. That being said I have a lot of Man Crushes. A Man Crush is when a hetrosexual man admires another man to an extreme in a non-romantic or sexual way, more having an intense desire to be that other man. Every guy who is a hardcore sports fan has their own list of Man Crushes and feels no shame in sharing this list with other people. See sports makes it okay for grown men to make comments like “If Crosby scores in OT he can do whatever he wants to my first daughter”, or “If Jordan Eberle scores 2 goals in the last 3 minutes, I’ll......” (I’ll let you guys fill in the blanks there, but let’s hope for my boy Marky’s sake he never runs into Jordan Eberle!) So without further adieu, here is the guys that my girlfriend is jealous of! (note- players must be active....leaving out beauties such as Doug Gilmour, Jerry Rice, Steve Young, Barry Sanders and Jamie Macoun’s moustache)
Tim Tebow- Say what you want about his pro QB prospects, this guy made my life better from August to January for the last for years. As the leader of my beloved Florida Gators, watching Tebow run over unsuspecting linebackers and defensive backs while becoming the first Sophomore to win the Heisman gave me 4 hour boners that Viagra could only dream of. Tebow is also the guy who we all want our daughters to date, or at least our neighbour`s hot daughter who makes you creep over the fence on a daily basis during summer sunbathing season.
I may or may not have a 48 picture slideshow of Tebow on my computer, my background of my twitter page and computer as Tebow, and have even had my girlfriend question whether I like her or Tebow more. (side note- my anniversary is the date of the Gators National title in 2009......that may have been done on purpose) I only pray my Niners draft Timmy, because damn he would look sexy in niner red and gold.
David Wright- Tebow and D-Wright look very similar.....so I guess there`s no need to join E-Harmony to find out what I`m looking for in a man crush. D-Wright is what they call a 5 tool player meaning he hits for power and average, plays great D, steals bases, and has a cannon arm. I say D-Wright is a 6 tool player, because anyone who has to put up with the other tools playing for the Mets deserves some love. So he`s sick at baseball, but I bet you his real all-star skills show up at various New York nightclubs. There`s no way this guy doesn`t get ridiculous action. For the majority of my life, a man rolling in dirt does nothing to me, but during the 3 hours a Mets game is going on....D-Wright just feels right.
Steven Gerrard- Time to get international with my man crushes, as this Brit has pulled off the impossible. He made a Manchester United fan actually sort of cheer for Liverpool. He also has introduced these two British rockets into my life...
Now Gerrard is top 3 of my man crushes, but if he leads England to World Cup 2010 glory, I will move in England and begin my courtship.
Jonathon Toews and Jordan Eberle- This is weird. They are both years younger than me.....to the point where if there are any internet police reading this webpage I could be investigated, but I don`t care you can`t help who you love right? Me and Johnny have had history. Ever since his epic 3 goal shootout performance in the World Juniors caught my eye like a nice ass shake on the bar dance floor, I’ve been smitten. Toews bursting onto the scene in that performance is like when you go to the bar with a girl for the first time. You have known her for a bit, she’s always been decent looking, but nothing to miss a Gators football game about. Then you see her in the bar for the first time and she’s wearing this outrageous outfit with perfect melons you had never knew existed and an ass shake worthy of a spot in Carmen Electra’s strip aerobics video. That’s what Toews shootout heroics did to me. I always knew he was a nice player, a beauty all-around talent, but that shootout got me love drunk. As for you Jordan Eberle, I won’t use a bar reference because well, you just reached the age where you are allowed in bars. Your kind of like my buddy’s little sister. You know the one who is entering grade 9 as you go to University. You always used to tease her growing up, nothing special. Every summer you come back she’s growing up a little bit, but still way too young for you to take notice. Then you stay at school for a few summers, don’t see her at all and think nothing about it. Then you see a facebook picture of her as she is now 18 and she’s legitimately hot. (Eberle scoring the tying goal vs Russia with 5 seconds left....) As sexy as she is you still keep telling yourself she is too young. Another year goes by, and you go home and head to your buddy’s house for a night of drinking. His little sister comes home from the bar and HOT DAMN she looks like Rachel McAdams. (Eberle scoring 2 goals in the last 3 minutes to tie the game vs USA...) You end up talking for 3 hours after everyone goes to bed and next thing you know you’re making out with Matty’s little sister.
David Beckham- So me and Becks are the exact same height and weight and have the same initials. We both play soccer (probably at about the same level too right?) and both find Victoria Beckham really effing hot (probably about the same level too right?) I may or may not have my first child’s name penciled in as David Beckham Belbeck. We have had our ups and downs me and David. His red card in 98 against Argentina hurt me like no girl ever has. His free kick goal vs Greece in the last seconds to put England in the 2002 World Cup gave me a thrill no girl ever has.... I still cannot watch this clip without tearing up in joy. Watching you bend the ball around a wall probably gets me more excited than it should, but I stopped fighting it long ago. One last hurrah for me and David this summer at the World Cup. A winning goal in the finals would be the best goodbye sex one could ever have!
Steve Nash- To any arrogant, obnoxious Americans out there....remember when a short white dude with long hair from Canada dominated your game and won back to back MVP`s? Because this guy does! Watching Stevie weave thru traffic and throwing no-look passes is NEAT-O! I think my favourite thing about Steve Nash is how he makes absolute NBA plugs into serviceable players by giving them layups and open shots even Chuck Swirsky could knock down. These names include Louis Amundson, James Jones, Raja Bell, Steven Hunter, Gordan Giricek, and Brian Skinner. Anywhere else these guys have played they are nobodies! A lot like Ben Affleck in any movie but Good Will Hunting. If Matt Damon wasn’t his boy, he wouldn’t be filthy rich, be married to Jennifer Garner, or have box seats at the Red Sox games. He would probably be a clothing model for Sears. Along with being a ridiculous point guard, Nasty (my name for him) is also a damn good soccer player who has a share in the Vancouver Whitecaps. The dude takes any chance he can get to pull soccer moves during timeouts. He also has his name in a Nelly Furtado song....and I like her....alot!
Sidney Crosby- Because my passport says I’m Canadian.......this is a must
Love,
Dane
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